Saturday 3 December 2011

A mixed day

Next day however, she took her carrot then bit me, not hard but the message was there; then she turned away, so I turned & walked to the gate & waited; she followed, halfway first, then stopped, then came & stood behind me. I haltered her & took her out the field.
Once out, she became very emotional, I could feel how tense she was, short fast breathing, neck inverted, head up. I took her back to the area where we had trouble yesterday & gave her lots of reassurance, stops & a step back, which she did but not softly. We walked figure 8, I remained calm & firm. She complied but not relaxed; when I turned into her, taking care today to be very calm & clear about my intentions, she turned without contact but her ears would go back. So she was reading my body but not softly, on turns she would trot & shake her head, a sign of (well this is the question: anxiety or anger, unconfidence or dominance?).
She relaxed a bit. We went for a walk, maybe she needed to do something, move her feet.
It is as if she is testing me like a rebellious child to see what my reaction will be. “I will eat grass & see what you do about it & I’m going to get upset if you stop me”.
I think that today she wanted to be with me but was testing my reactions to see if she could trust me today, to see which human had turned up today. I have to try harder to be the right one, but it is so difficult when she pushes me. It does tell me that I over-reacted yesterday.
I feel I’m walking a tightrope all the time. We never move on because as soon as I ask for something she takes it personally & (can’t or won’t?) do it; always challenging me to raise the pressure then not liking it. She will do things but her attitude says it’s under duress & I hate you again.
I do friendly games with obstacles but that’s not interesting; she will sniff, chew then try to stand on the object then eat grass. If I start other games the resistance appears; either grass or ears back I hate you & I’m doing it because you’re making me. Patterns too are boring, so I don’t understand how to make repetition work for us.
Tomorrow I’ll try something completely different like lead by the tail or leg. Maybe round an obstacle once she’s confident with it.

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